My first boyfriend

As soon as I told her about my new boyfriend in 6th grade she said that she was happy that I didn’t care about looks. I remember a frozen feeling inside. It’s like I stop breathing. Who is she? Why is she saying this? Just once, can’t she give some kind of expected response? “That’s nice” or something? She could be icy cold but she seemed to hide it. If she would just tell me what she actually thought or how she felt! But she always twisted things so that I had no idea to respond. I guess I just decided to keep being silent and go along with her act. I mean, she said this as if she were truly happy. I heard her telling her friends the same thing, right in front of me, like she was so proud of me, she was thinking that it was so wonderful of me to not care about looks. Each friend looked surprised, as if she didn’t know what she was doing, she just made an error in speaking, she didn’t know that I could hear. I felt tremendous pressure to end this beginner relationship. Mom was not happy about it. I should know what to do. Finally I just blurted out to him that we couldn’t “go out” anymore and I felt so ashamed. How much different would my life have been if I had had the ability to stand up to her? To not care what she thought? But most people don’t feel that way about their mothers.